Who Would Have Thought?

I finally found my password to my blog talk radio, normally all my passwords are in one place I forgot since I record off of the phone I use ….well you guessed it….it was there!  I usually check my stats from all the shows I did over the course of a few months and who would have thought that I would have gotten over 22,000 profile views, and over 600 live listens and my archived listens have reached over 50.000 people.

I don’t know 600 hundred people let alone to have over 50,000 individuals listen to most of my radio show, seems so hard for me to comprehend.  I knew going into doing the radio show, that I was the only person who would talk about autoimmune diseases, how difficult it is to get a diagnosis, how many mock each other and it gets frustrating when you don’t have a doctor who will listen and/or your casted off as a

Hypochondriac

it almost felt like back in the day when depression was not talked about.

So now I have something of interest and again there is only so much that you can talk about, make suggestions with and help others to cope and give them hope.  Now everything that I did was not planned out with each of my co-hosts of the shows that I did and maybe that is why the show is still getting archival hits today. I tried to think of every aspect of what I went through to get where I am today.  If you read my home page, you would know I am finally almost into remission and I still have bad days and milder flareups, but overall I am so grateful and feel so blessed that this has happened to me. Sometimes we are chosen to go through things, so that people can  see how we handle them, and the people who watch form there own opinion and make assumptions on their own no matter how much you explain to them what is wrong, but overall those who can relate, know what I am talking about.  As I mentioned I feel blessed now because I am on a different path now, and I am still helping others by not taking down the information I put out there.  There was a reason the Lord chose me and I did what was put on my heart and I am glad that I am still able to help others.

One of the many things that has happened for me because of my illness is there was an opportunity that I didn’t let slip away.  As I look back to the years of suffering with the illness, the days that turned into weeks that I couldn’t do much for myself and I was lucky to have friends step up to the plate and help me, including my two boys who were living at home with me at the time.  My parents who are divorced, felt since I went through this before, I would be fine, but little did they know that the disease could have killed me.  My parents were brought up in age where you swept things under the rug, you hid your child who was not physically or mentally right, and beating your children was the only way to get respect.  Although this hurt me to the core soul of my being at the time that my folks just basically snubbed me, I was ever so grateful that my friends and sons were there for me.  I had the opportunity to really think what mattered in my life, I learned how to prioritize my life, I learned about how to deal with my body and healing it with the supervision of all my doctors,I found many hobbies that I love to do and yet still want to learn more, these are all opportunities I had and I was able to live most of them out and I truly believe that if I didn’t find a hobby and dig in only wanting to learn more and try other things, I don’t think I would have made it through the really bad flareups and I was able to help others.

Another interesting thing I learned through this and I haven’t shared it until now is that I learned to stay away from drama, negative people, I learned that keeping my world small during that time I needed to heal benefited me the most, and I realized if I didn’t put myself first I would not be able to be there for my children.  As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, the people who are givers like myself, who tend to put other people before themselves and trying to be and do what others wanted ultimately played a hand in getting my disease.  I know most people might frown on the thought of putting yourself before your children is horrifying, however, I knew it needed to be done so that I could be here today for them.

Another thing that I learned now that I think about it, is I learned to break the cycle of what my parents had taught me, and I learned to forgive, but in that forgiveness doesn’t mean I have to be a doormat, or still be associated with that person or people.  Forgiveness is a very hard thing to do if you aren’t taught this.  It is a learned behavior that I am so grateful to be able to have that freedom.  I have grown spiritually because of my experiences, I know that there is a God, and I do matter.  Just as I have always had to fulfill the need to be creative for as long as I can remember, I have been able to fill other voids in my life and learn to rely on my faith and trust in the Lord.  I am not a religious person by any means, however I am very spiritual person.

If you are interested in hearing any of my pod casts please visit my home page for that link and you will be able to go through all the radio shows I have done.